D&D Next: 7th Ability Score?

25 Feb
-1d6 Chastity Damage!!

-1d6 Chastity Damage!!

I neglected to mention an amusing anecdote in my last post a noteworthy incident in my last D&D Next playtest session:

One of my players (we’ll call her by her character’s name, “Joan of Orc”) had re-joined us after missing a session or so. This marked the second time she had ever played any tabletop game, and a few months had elapsed since the last session she participated in: thus she was naturally a bit rusty on the rules.

We reviewed the ability score abbreviations, which she mostly remembered: “STR is Strength” and so on. She stumbled at CON a bit, but was fine until we got to CHA..

“CHA; that’s my, uh, Chastity Score.

Without missing a beat, my improve training kicked in: “Yeah, yours is a 13, so you’ve probably gotten to third base, but never gone ‘all the way.'”

She took our teasing in stride. It was funnier for me, knowing that the original Unearthed Arcana made provisions for an optional “Comeliness” attribute.

So, in the interest of furthering the gamer’s tradition of over-designing nitpicky details; I’m proposing a 7th ability score: Chastity (CHS). Below are brief descriptions of how your CHS score translates into the game world, and an example of a monster that typically has the corresponding CHS stat.

WARNING: Because the subject of sex (or lack thereof) is directly addressed in the Chastity stat, sexy things may be mentioned. Gird yourself.

20 – You are as unblemished as mortally possible, with nary an impure thought [Deva, Caryatid Column]
19 – Rarely, an errant compulsion to nudge someone affectionately comes over you [Unicorn, Celestial Badger]
17 – You are a habitual hand-holder, sometimes applying a scandalous wink [Githyanki, Mimic]
16 – When innebriated, you have revealed a startling amount of your ankle to trusted friends [Dryad, The Tarrasque]
15 – When sober, you have revealed a startling amount of your ankle to complete strangers [Mummy, Lillend]
14 – You have occasioned to pleasure yourself and often indulge in lascivious daydreams [Warforged, Owlbear]
13 – Though you have never made it all the way, you do frequently service yourself [Gelatinous Cube, Kraken, Thri-kreen]
12 – You have lost your V-card, but have not consistently/ever given it out again [Galeb-Duhr, Hippogriff]
11 – Missionary only, please [Kobold, Beholder]
10 – You have normal, monogamous intercourse with consistent willing partner(s) [Lawful aligned core PC races]
9 – You are a bit freaky-deaky [Hobgoblin, Ogre]
8 – How many partners have you had? Can a man count the stars! [Doppelgänger, Goblin]
7 – It’s more than ok if it’s in a 3-way [Nymph, Centaur]
6 – You like to choke, and be choked [Orc, Choker, Roper]
5 – Have whips/chains, will travel [Gnoll, Lizardfolk]
4 – Anything with a hole [Hill Giant, Mindflayer]
3 – 50 Shades was not enough, so you developed a 51st shade of gray [Balor, Drow]
2 – Necrophilia isn’t enough…the corpses have to be re-animated for you to get your jollies! [Lich, Carrion Crawler]
1 – You’ll do ANYTHING [Succubus, Green Ooze, Catoblepas]
0 – You are a comatose, immobile, sex-puppet, there to bone and be boned [Any skeleton, Zombie, Flesh Golem]

1 Comment

Posted by on February 25, 2013 in Announcements


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One response to “D&D Next: 7th Ability Score?

  1. sinclairvox

    February 26, 2013 at 8:57 AM

    Wasn’t there… A whole book on this stuff?


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